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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26413360">just know you're not alone</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesbianLucretia/pseuds/LesbianLucretia'>LesbianLucretia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Art, Bonding, Family Angst, Family Fluff, He/They Bubby, M/M, POV Gordon Freeman, POV Second Person, Parental Dr. Coomer, Parenthood, Pre-AU Canon, Rival Streamers AU, Single Dad Gordon, Trans Bubby, Trans Dr. Coomer, Trans Gordon Freeman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:34:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,484</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26413360</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesbianLucretia/pseuds/LesbianLucretia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s adorable and yet super weird to watch your professor and your son having such a good time together. You find yourself smiling at them, something warm blooming in your chest. Dr. Coomer blows a raspberry into Joshua’s cheek and makes him squeal again.</p><p>“Those two seem to be… getting along.” Dr. Bubby says. </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bubby &amp; Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Dr. Coomer &amp; Gordon Freeman, Dr. Coomer &amp; Joshua Freeman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>134</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>just know you're not alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is specifically for my rival streamers au, which you find here (https://kraviolis.tumblr.com/tagged/rival%20streamers%20au/chrono) but i can explain the base details for you to enjoy this:</p><p>gordon is 22, a mildly popular streamer on twitch, just started his master's program, and is a single father to joshua who is 1 year old. he lives in boston, goes to MIT, and Dr. Coomer is his professor. they bonded over his streams (whole 'nother story lmao) and became friends. Coomer invited him over for dinner so he could meet his son and so gordon could meet his husband Bubby, who also teaches at MIT. thats all you need to know.</p><p>( if you want to see bubby and gordon meeting for this first time earlier in the night, it's in the link above :] )</p><p>CW in the end notes</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“OHO! You rascal! You can’t get away that easy!”</em>
</p><p>Joshua squeals in delight, kicking his feet and waving his arms, as Dr. Coomer holds him high in the air. </p><p>It’s adorable and yet super weird to watch your professor and your son having such a good time together. You find yourself smiling at them, something warm blooming in your chest. Dr. Coomer blows a raspberry into Joshua’s cheek and makes him squeal again.</p><p>“Those two seem to be… getting along.” Dr. Bubby says. </p><p>He’s sitting across from you, sipping at a glass of red wine. You almost wish you could ask for a glass, wanting to really soak yourself in the warmth of tonight, but unfortunately you still have to drive home.</p><p>“Yep,” You lean forward on the table, crossing your arms to hold you up. “Dr. Coomer’s actually really good with him.”</p><p>Dr. Bubby raises an eyebrow. “Of course he is. Harold’s <em>always </em>been good with kids.”</p><p>His tone of voice makes you feel like there’s something deeper going on there but you aren’t sure if it’s polite to ask about it. You turn your attention back to Joshua. He’s being chased around the living room now, somehow running with the confidence of someone that’s been able to walk for far longer than just a few months. </p><p>(Jeez, has it already been a few months since he watched him take his first steps? It feels like it was just yesterday.)</p><p>(You suppose you understand what your mother meant when she said you weren’t allowed to grow up when you were a kid, now.)</p><p>Still, you can’t help but wonder. What was the extra meaning behind what he’d said about Dr. Coomer being good with kids? Did… did they <em>have </em>kids? No, no that doesn’t make sense. Neither of them had known that Joshua couldn’t read yet or chew steak on his own, despite being only a year old.</p><p>“If you have something to say it, then just say it.” Dr. Bubby cuts through your thoughts. You look at them, a little embarrassed at being caught. “Seriously. I don’t have all night, you know.”</p><p>“Sorry,” You rub the back of your neck sheepishly. “If— If it’s okay to ask… Do you two have any kids?”</p><p>Dr. Bubby chokes on his wine, coughing lightly. “<em>Hell no!</em> I don’t want a bunch of sticky-handed stupid little babies who can’t even read running around! I already have to deal with teaching at work- I’d<em> fucking explode</em> if I had to do it at home, too!”</p><p>“Yeah, no, that’s— that’s fair.” You don’t think you appreciate the implication that your son is stupid, but you shrug amicably anyways. He’s got a bit of a point.</p><p>“Besides, even if I wanted kids, neither of us can actually have any.” He admits and you frown sympathetically.</p><p>“Oh. I’m… I’m sorry to hear that.” </p><p>“Eh, it’s whatever. Never bothered me before.” He waves a hand, as if clearing away any attempt at compassion directed towards him. </p><p>Dr. Bubby pauses, though, and sighs. Their eyes become downcast and they stare at their wine as they swirl it gently in the glass. </p><p>“It’s never bothered <em>me</em>, but… <em>Harold,</em> on the other hand…”</p><p>You wait patiently, letting Dr. Bubby continue at his own pace. You glance over briefly and see Dr. Coomer investigating the living room bookshelf with Joshua, showing him the various knickknacks adorning the shelves. He tells him to be gentle and holds out a glass figurine, not letting him hold it but just allowing him to run his tiny fingers across it.</p><p>“Harold’s always wanted kids,” Dr. Bubby continues, his voice far softer than it has been, drawing your gaze back. “Long before we knew each other. Long before he even knew himself. But life… life is <em>cruel</em>, Gordon. Life doesn’t <em>care</em> about you, it doesn’t care about your <em>dreams</em>. And sometimes, you have to make choices that <em>no one</em> should <em>ever </em>have to make.”</p><p>Dr. Bubby’s hand is trembling in… what seems to be anger. He notices, shakes his head, and knocks back the last of his wine before sitting back and scowling at the table. You’re confused, unsure of what exactly he means. You go to say as much but pause when he looks up and meets your eyes. It’s like a shadow is blanketing their face, something from deep inside rising and making itself known in their eyes.</p><p>“Back then people like us, like me and Harold— sometimes we had to <em>choose </em>between having a family of our own or a chance to be ourselves. Harold was told he couldn’t be given hormones without <em>also </em>getting a hysterectomy. The risk was <em>too great</em>, they told him.” They growl, baring their teeth. You notice absentmindedly that his canines are sharper than they should be. “What a load of <em>shit</em>. They didn’t even <em>know </em>if there <em>was </em>a risk! You know how many studies have come out since then proving those <em>bastards</em> wrong?”</p><p>You open your mouth, trying to make sounds but it just isn’t working.</p><p>You… you hadn’t <em>known</em>. Not <em>just </em>about what your professor had gone through at the hands of medical institutions so long ago but also that Dr. Coomer and Dr. Bubby… they’re like <em>you</em>. </p><p>(You feel a completely unexplainable comfort just knowing this, now. And a <em>terrible </em>understanding of what Dr. Bubby means by having to make an impossible choice.)</p><p>“I… yeah.” You manage to say, eventually. “I probably read through <em>every</em> study about that stuff when… when I first started transitioning. That’s… God, I— I can’t even <em>imagine </em>being forced to make that choice.”</p><p>Bubby narrows his eyes sharply. He circles a finger around the rim of his glass and you have a sudden but distinct feeling of being thoroughly examined, all of you on display and ready to be judged. He squints more intensely, tilts his head, and then relaxes again. </p><p>…Test passed, apparently.</p><p>“…Of <em>course </em>you are.” He mutters, crossing his arms. “Right. Should’ve guessed.”</p><p>You quirk your lips, half-smiling. “Trans people tend to gravitate towards each other, I’ve found. Even unknowingly.”</p><p>Dr. Bubby barks out a laugh, throwing their head back. “<em>Ha</em>! That’s more true than you know, but that’s a story for <em>another </em>time.” He nods towards the living room. “Looks like someone had a little <em>too much</em> fun, over there.”</p><p>You blink and then turn. You find Dr. Coomer and Joshua on the couch, your professor snoring away while Joshua is still wide awake, sitting in his lap and tapping randomly on your professor’s phone. You laugh quietly, watching the scene fondly, and see Dr. Bubby looking on with the same dopey expression in the corner of your eye.</p><p>“…It’s getting late. I should get going before Joshua starts getting overtired.” You groan as you stand, stretching. Dr. Bubby follows you with a more grumpy groan. “Should— should we leave him asleep?” </p><p>“No, no, he’ll want to say goodnight. Also, he’ll fuck up his back if he stays there.” They say. “You get your shit. I’ll wake him up.”</p><p>You gather everything up, grabbing whatever toys you brought and stuff it all back into Josh’s diaper bag. Dr. Coomer wakes back up thanks to his husband poking his face hard enough and quickly saves himself from being locked out of his phone for too long. You pick up Joshua before he can complain about losing his new toy.</p><p>Dr. Coomer walks you out, smiling sleepily and waving goodbye to both of you. You thank him for having you over.</p><p>“The pleasure is all mine. It was a <em>delight </em>to have you and your boy over for dinner, Gordon.” Dr. Coomer insists.</p><p>“No!” Joshua wiggles in your arms, making a sad noise and grabby hands at your professor. He chuckles warmly and lets Joshua grab his fingers, giving him a small handshake. </p><p>“We sure had a blast tonight, eh? But you’re still growing, and you need your rest.” Joshua’s lip wobbles and Dr. Coomers expression falls. “Oh, dear, please don’t cry. Keep your chin up. Goodbyes are tough, I know, but you’re even <em>tougher</em>.” </p><p>He punctuates this by pushing Joshua’s chin up gently with his fist. There’s a softness in the gesture that makes your heart melt. Unfortunately, it doesn’t do much to prevent Josh’s eyes from starting to glisten.</p><p>“Hey, it’s okay, Joshie.” You smile at Joshua, getting his attention. “We can come back and visit next week! But you have to <em>ask </em>if it’s okay first.” </p><p>You look at Dr. Coomer in time to see his expression brighten at your words. Joshua turns to look at him too. </p><p>“Pease?” He asks, not quite able to say the word, but it still makes your professor’s eyes mist up anyways.</p><p>He kneels down to look up at Joshua, taking his small hand in his much bigger one with a touching amount of gentleness. </p><p>“I would love <em>nothing </em>more, my dear.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: talk of infertility and sterilization due to uninformed doctors who didnt know shit about trans healthcare but only because no one knew about trans healthcare back then</p></blockquote></div></div>
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